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letter from "Help me please"
Dear Ms Independent
Right now I am very lonely. My use to be boyfriend has found another
girlfriend and it bothers me a lot. We couldn't be mates because I
became closer to God and he hasn't so I knew the relationship wouldn't
work. But we remained friends but not intimate. I still care for him but
I know he's not the one. It's hard for me to find a mate because I'm not
a talkative person. It's like I don't have the words to say. I'm not a
bad looking person but it's hard for me to find a man. I pray and ask
God to help me with this situation. I hope God can give you the words to
help me. I think that's why I can't find a mate because I'm the quiet
type. Please help me with this situation because I'm very lonely. I know
if I learn how to communicate with people it wouldn't be hard for me to
find someone.
HELP ME PLEASE.
Answer
to
HELP ME PLEASE
Nothing seems to hurt as much as knowing that your recent lover is with
someone else. It can be very frustrating because you don’t want to care,
but until you complete the grieving process and fully accept that it is
over and are at peace with it, the heartache of jealousy hangs in there.
Some people will take longer to grieve than others. Some may only be a
couple of days. It depends on the depth, length and complexity of the
past relationship.
You may want to take a break from the friendship with him until you have
reached the acceptance stage of grief or can honestly say to yourself
that it don’t hurt to see him with another. Easier said than done.
Sounds like you did some prioritizing in your life and decided for you,
God is the ultimate number one on your list. Good choice. Your faith
will help you through this difficult time in your life.
Being quiet. Be thankful. Most people find it irritating to be with
someone who never shuts up. They are usually poor listeners too. The
best mate or friend is someone who listens to you and hears what you’re
saying. Being quite is a great way to become the listener that is valued
for life.
After church, you
may feel more comfortable being with fellow worshipers for a shorter
period of time, that way you don’t end up with the dead silence that can
happen after the brief small talk. If you need to, have a preplanned
escape. But don’t think of it as escaping a conversation, think of it as
practicing your communication skills a little bit at a time. Say
something you feel comfortable with. It way be along the line of “I hate
to be rude, but I do believe I just saw an old friend, please excuse me”
very politely you have gotten yourself off of the hook of feeling
uncomfortable with nothing left to say.
A good friend or mate should not be someone you have to entertain in
order to have a relationship. You will find people in your life you are
more comfortable with than others. When you find them hold on tight as
they may be your best friend or mate some day.
There is nothing wrong with practicing your communication skills, talk
into a mirror, study subjects of interest that you would like to
discuss, have pretend conversations in the car or write someone a letter
in a journal (learn to say and write what you feel). But, don’t change
who you are. Don’t be a phony. People will see through you and be less
inclined to approach you and spend time with you.
Read what I wrote
to “Boring” on this web site. It talks about being quiet as well.
Loneliness, you have God. And you have a best friend in yourself. It may
not be healthy to be alone all the time, but remember the ones you do
have and will have.
Remember to smile, it is an attractant.
Tami M. Ms Independent
PS. You may want to read “Women Living Single and
Liking It”. It goes into more depth of the loneliness factor.
************
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