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Dear Ms Independent
My so called boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago
and I am still angry and having a very hard time getting over
it. He left me for another woman and even though we didn't have
the best relationship, I don't like knowing he is with someone
else. When he wants to be, he is very sweet and cuddly. He
takes me to dinner, movies and dancing. Then there have been a
few times were he has been a real jerk to me. He has never hit
me or anything like that, just makes me feel somewhat self
conscious. He likes to look at other women and make comments in
my presence. He very slyly makes innuendoes about my weight and
appearance. He works very hard and sometimes gets a little
cranky. I know he doesn't mean what he is saying because he can
be so sweet. How can I get over him and the anger I feel that he
is with another woman?
Jealous in Albuquerque
Answer to Jealous in Albuquerque,
The first thing I noticed about your letter is that it is in
present tense. Sounds like you are living in the past. You
aren't still with him while he is with this other woman, are
you? To you he may seem very sweet and cuddly, but anyone who
talks down to you is not sweet and cuddly. Usually a guy will
only get worse with his snide comments and innuendoes. If he
sees nothing wrong in doing it now he sure won't see anything
wrong with it when he marries. Let her deal with the harassment.
You may think he was the perfect
man for you. You know you will never find someone like him again
and the thought of living a life without him is unbearable. When
things were good, they were very good, everything seemed so
perfect. The love you had for him kept you from seeing the
truth. The truth about your compatibility - you weren't. If you
were compatible you would still be together. If you are honest
with yourself, you know there were problems, but it is finally
over. You can take what you have learned into a new relationship
and not make the same mistake again.
At the beginning of your
recovery, it is difficult to not feel sick thinking of him with
somebody else, no matter whom that someone else is - regardless
of looks, personality, wealth etc. The jealousy factor is one of
the hardest feelings to overcome after a breakup. Remember how
your relationship was. Unless he has made a miracle recovery, he
is going to be the same person with her that he was with you.
Remember how upset he would make you feel and the negative
comments he made to you? Maybe making an extremely honest list
of things that you didn't like about him and his behaviors will
remind you how much better off you are without him. The other
woman is the one who should be jealous of you. You are free to
move on to all the better things life has to offer.
Ms Independent
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