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letter from "Please Help Me"
Dear Ms Independent
I have a problem or maybe it's just me. Two years ago my boyfriend had
an accident and we no longer have sex. He cannot perform anything like
we use to and it's because all of the medicine he is on. I am 44 years
of age and I am all woman and I want sex. I don't know what to do
because my self esteem is very low now and I feel my world is gone from
me. We use to have sex 7 days a week and for it to just stop its
killing me. Please help me.
Answer to Please help me
Has he tried any of the erectile dysfunction drugs? They can work
wonders and can also be beneficial to his heart. He needs to discuss
this with his doctor.
You say that your self-esteem is very low and your world in gone. I
would imagine that if you took all your feelings about the situation, he
probably still feels at least 10 times worse. He most likely feels as
though he is letting you down, his ego has been shattered and his
manhood has been taken away from him. He may hide behind things like
joking, isolation, abuse, drugs or alcohol. He may even push you away.
In his mind you are a symbol of his sexuality (amongst many other
things) and now it is gone. You may be a constant reminder of what used
to be. He may not feel worthy of your love now that he is not able to
satisfy you. He may have a hard time discussing it with you completely.
He might feel that you have the option to leave that relationship and
have a normal passionate sexual relationship elsewhere. And if he loves
you I would imagine this is very taxing for him. Wandering from day to
day if you will stick around. He may need to talk with a therapist
about this.
I think you need to weigh the facts of staying or leaving him. Make a
relationship list and on one side of the page put all the good things
about him that pop in your mind and on the other side put all the
negative things about him. Don't spend too much time pondering over the
list; just let it flow. I bet if you really love this guy the good
overcame the bad. If not you may want to rethink the relationship.
Think about it, was sex the glue holding you two together? Or love?
Ms Independent
************
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