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letter from "Proud and Lonely"
Questions and Answers
Please
send your questions to Ms Independent (Tami Marple) at
Tamcole@nc.rr.com
Dear Ms
Independent
I have been divorced 6 years...I'm 55...4 months ago my 2 year and 4
month relationship ended...badly...and not really ready to try dating
again. I work the grave yard shift so I'm on the opposite schedule as
most other people. My only family left are my children and
grandchildren...but they do not live close by. I am the type of person
who would rather have 5 close friends than 100 acquaintances. I hate
going out alone except for going to the casino...I can't go there often
because of the expense...so 99% of the time after I get home from work I
see no one until I go back to work. I'm pretty good at entertaining
myself, but know I need to change something to get a social life going.
My current close friends aren't able to do much with me...mostly because
of financial problems...but we do stay in touch on the phone. I don't do
the bar scene. I don't tell friends or family that I'm lonely...who
wants pity? Someone once suggested volunteer work but to be honest that
is not what I'm looking for. I know this is a short history of
myself...have any workable idea?
PROUD AND LONELY
Answer to PROUD AND
LONELY
Working the graveyard shift definitely has its advantages and
disadvantages. When you get off work it is always nice to go to the
grocery store when everyone else is on their way to work and be able to
run errands without having to fight the crowd. Bad part is many of the
places you may want and need to go are closed when you get off of work
and don’t open until 9-10 o’clock. It is a great time to take a walk or
go for a jog. Supposedly this is the best time to play golf. If you are
like most you probably are not able to retire first thing when you lie
down. You need to unwind. Then you end up still being asleep when the
rest of the world is coming home from work to celebrate the end of
another workday. Would you rather work the day or swing shift? Is this
something that could be arranged?
You
didn’t mention whether your close friends live near or not, so I will
assume that they do. You don’t necessarily need to go out with your
friends to have a good time. Try having a dinner party for them
(inexpensive for you and them). If you don’t want to cook or are not a
very good cook have a potluck. You don’t need to get fancy, unless you
would like. After dinner play cards or watch a movie. The reason why you
should have them come to your house is so you don’t chicken out and sit
home alone.
Plan a girls night out on one of your nights off. You can go to the
theatre, an arts and craft exhibit, monster truck rally, a sporting
event or maybe the Ice Capades. The list is endless even if you don’t
live close to a larger city. If you do live out in a rural area make an
overnight trip of it. It can be difficult to do certain activities
because of budgets, but would it be possible to offer a night out to a
friend for their birthday or a special occasion.
Do things you have to plan, this will keep your mind occupied and off of
your loneliness. Let yourself get excited. Plan something that will make
you daydream about it in your spare time. Then after one event start
planning the next, maybe a vacation or a trip to see your family. Even
planting a summer garden can be very thought provoking and rewarding, if
you enjoy that kind of thing.
You didn’t mention whether moving closer to your children and
grandchildren was an option. If that is something you are interested in
you may want to check out the job market close to them. And of course
discuss it with them. I am sure the last thing you would want is to feel
more loneliness in the midst of the people you are closest to.
I am glad to hear you are not into the bar scene. I personally don’t
think it is the way to meet people, especially those who you would want
to have an extended relationship with.
Last but not least, men. Take a break. Enjoy yourself. Learn to enjoy
your being and come to like yourself. You can have the greatest of
social lives, but at the end of the day, you are the one who needs to be
happy with yourself. One of the best ways to get in tune with whom you
are, where you come from and where you want to go is with a journal. Let
all your thoughts flow on the blank pages. Write as fast as you think,
if you can. Or maybe you type faster, your choice. Remember you are not
writing a book so spelling and grammar are not an issue. Do not write
what you think other people would want to hear, but what you feel,
uncut. Make sure you date all entries so you can have a timeline when
you reread it.
It sounds as though you have it together and just need to fine tune your
feelings towards being with yourself. Think positive. You are your best
friend.
Ms Independent, Tami Marple
************
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