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letter from "Sara"
Dear Ms Independent,
I have been dating the same guy for the last 4 years. He says he loves
me and I feel he does very much, but he says he never wants to get
married to me or anyone else for that matter. His mother would love for
us to get married, but she doesn't think he will ever marry either. He
has seen his parents and two brothers go through nasty divorces and is
afraid the same will happen to him. I can't wait forever to see if he
will marry me, but I am scared to death of the thought of losing him.
Neither of us want to have children so marriage shouldn't be that
important, right?, although I would still like to someday. Should I hold
on or let go? HELP, Sara
Answer to Sara:
I am a firm believer that if he says he is not ready to get married that
means he is not ready to get married to you. If the right person comes
along he will circum . Don't waste your time, the odds are against you.
The fact that he has seen some ugly divorces is a bunch of bull. So have
I and when the right man came along (at 42) I finally married. We may
not have the perfect marriage, but I am not sorry I did it. Yes, he may
love you, but if it's not that special kind of love he is looking for,
he will never marry you. And whatever you do don't play the desperate
card "I will kill myself if you don't marry me" or pull the pregnancy
trick. You may be able to hold onto him longer, maybe even get him to
marry you, but it will be for all the wrong reasons and he will come to
resent you for it in the long run. Regardless of whether you both want
children or not isn't something to base a relationship around. If you
want to get married and he doesn't I suggest you move on. You will be
able to live without him and probably even find someone you love very
much that does want to marry you.
Ms Independent, Tami Marple
************
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