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letter from "Sorry to bother you"
Hello
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING ALL AROUND FOR SOME KIND OF CHAT WHERE I COULD JUST
TALK TO SOMEONE. THEY JUST DON'T HAVE ANYTHING.
ANYWAYS, I'M JUST LONELY, I GUESS, DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF, I
HAVE FEW FRIENDS.
I LOOK ALL THE TIME FOR A CHAT WHERE THERE MIGHT BE OTHER WOMEN AS
MYSELF, THAT SIMPLY NEED TO TALK. NOT LIKE MOST THE WOMEN WHO SIT AND
YACK. THE ONES THAT ARE ALONE AND NEED SOMEONE OR SOMETHING.
THERE ARE MANY TIMES I DON'T WANT TO LAUGH, I WISH THERE WERE OTHERS
LIKE ME WHO COULD TALK OF THEIR BAD TIMES, LONELINESS NO FAMILY, FEW
FRIENDS.
I NEVER COULD UNDERSTAND IT AS A CHILD. AS I WANTED A FRIEND MORE THAN
ANY THING. BUT I WAS KNOWN AS THE DUMBEST KID IN CLASS, FEW WANTED ANY
THING TO DO WITH ME. I REMEMBER WONDERING HOW OTHERS HAD SO MANY
FRIENDS, WHERE IF I COULD JUST HAVE ONE. ONCE IN GRAMMAR SCHOOL THERE
WAS ONE GIRL, WE WERE FRIENDS. SHE HAD MANY, BUT ALSO DID THINGS WITH
ME. I REMEMBER PEOPLE BITCHING AT ME THAT 'YOU NEEDED MORE THAN ONE
FRIEND', BUT I ALWAYS FELT LIKE SAYING 'WELL WONDER IF YOUR THANKFUL
THAT THAT ONE PERSON IS YOUR FRIEND'.
IN SCHOOL, IT WAS SO IMPORTANT TO HAVE A FRIEND WHEN YOU GOT INTO JR
HIGH AND HIGH SCHOOL. HAVING NO ONE TO EVER EAT YOUR LUNCH WITH WAS THE
WORST. SO I WOULD FIND THE LONGEST LINE AND STAND IN IT, SO AS TO LOOK
LIKE I WAS BUSY. NORMALLY THE BELL WOULD RING AND I WAS SAVED FOR
ANOTHER DAY. THERE WERE TIMES WHERE IT DIDN'T AND I'D GO BACK TO THE
BACK OF THE LINE HOPING NO ONE NOTICED.
AS NOW I'M A 50 YR OLD WOMEN TRYING LIKE HELL TO GET
THROUGH THE MESS AN EX AND DIVORCE HAVE DONE TO MY
LIFE. I GAVE UP EVERYTHING, THE RETIREMENT, ANYTHING I
WOULD HAVE HAD.
FOR MY HOME. HE WENT BANKRUPT AND EVERYTHING WAS
SLAPPED ON MY HOME, THE BASTARD HAD LET IT GO INTO
FORECLOSURE AND I WAS NEVER NOTIFIED. A FRIEND FOUND
OUT FOR ME THAT IS WAS TO BE SOLD ON THE COURT HOUSE
STEPS.
I DIED INSIDE AND LEARNED WHAT IT WAS FOR PEOPLE TO BE
MEAN, SO VERY MEAN. EVEN THE FEW NEIGHBORS UP HERE
WERE GOING TO BID ON IT AND I HAD LESS THAN A MONTH.
I WAS SO DUMB I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO EVEN START BUT CRY
AND CRY AND CALL STUPID NUMBERS FOR HELP. THERE WAS
NO HELP, BUT A KIND PERSON ALONG THE WAY WOULD HAVE
BEEN NICE TO EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME.
YES, THERE ARE SUPPORT GROUPS, BUT NOT WHERE I LIVE.
AND I HAVE TRIED TO GET TO KNOW SOME OF THEM ONLINE.
I LIVE OUT IN THE COUNTRY, A MILE BACK IN THE HILLS.
NO FRIENDS HERE, THERE ARE 3, NO 4 NEIGHBORING 10
ACRE PARCELS AND THE MEN GIVE ME SUCH A HARD TIME.
THEY DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO SAVE MY HOME. IT COST 26.000
TO SAVE IT. I WENT TO ANYONE AND NEVER BEGGED SO MUCH
IN MY LIFE. BUT I REALIZED, WITH OUT MY HOME I HAD NO
LIFE. NEVER DO I WISH THAT ON ANYONE.
WHAT I REALIZE NOW, IS THERE ARE SO MANY PROBLEMS,
THAT MY GOD DO YOU EVEN ENJOY THE PLACE.
IT'S SAD, BUT NO NOT REALLY AS EVERY DAY IT'S A FIGHT
OR BATTLE. BUT I KEEP HOPING SOME DAY SOON IT WILL END
AND I WILL GET TO START MY NEW LIFE. THERE IS NO USE
IN EVEN TRYING TO DO ANY THING WITH MY LIFE. AS LONG
AS THE BATTLES NEVER STOP. ANYONE THAT KNOWS ME
SAYS THE SAME.
SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A
MAN, BUT LOOKING AT ALL THE PROBLEMS ETC. I HAVE NO
TIME FOR IT. PLUS ANY MAN I HAVE GOTTEN CLOSE TO HAS
HURT ME TO THE QUICK. AND WHEN I DO THINK ABOUT IT, I
DON'T THINK OR KNOW IF I WILL EVER LOVE, TRUST, OR HAVE
TRUE FEELINGS FOR A MAN.
IT'S SAD BUT I'M HONEST. SO I LOOK AT MY LIFE AS JUST
ME AND MY ANIMALS AND PRAY SOMEHOW I CAN MAKE IT. I
KNOW I WON'T BE HERE MUCH LONGER IF SOMETHING DOESN'T
HAPPEN SOON.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, BUT I HAD TO FIND SOMEONE TO
TALK TO.
YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD HAVE AN OPEN CHAT OR
SOMEONE TO EMAIL THAT YOU NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
BUT THEY DON'T. BUT THERE AGAIN MOST HAVE FAMILIES YA KNOW
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU
Answer
Dear Sorry to bother you,
A-Womans-Life.com will be starting a chat room soon. Also,
please sign up for the Newsletter at
www.A-Womans-Life.com.
I think you will find the questions and answers and the
mini articles comforting.
Now on to your questions. You are not alone. In certain parts
of this country the single population is 50% plus
(18-80 years old). There are many reasons why people are
single - they are young, they made the decision to be, they
are divorced or their spouse has passed on. Then there are,
of course, the women who are single and don't fit into any of
these categories. They are not young any longer and have
never been married. You are in good company being single
in midlife. And all of these women experience loneliness at
one time or another. For some it will be harder than others
and for some it will last longer than others. You may find
that attitude is one of your best friends.
As for the men in your life and your neighbors, I can't find a
better excuse to become happy. I don't necessarily believe
in revenge, but I think it can be a very powerful driving force
to accomplish goals. They are probably jealous of you and have
had their egos crushed. They never expected you to overcome
the horrific difficulties that were thrust upon you. They never
thought you could do it and have resorted to making rude
comments to you because they are to stubborn to admit you
showed them up. You should be very proud of yourself.
As far as having a lot of friends in your middle school and high
school years, I found that those kids with an abundance of
friends are usually insecure with themselves and need to feel
the power of having several people around them. The secure
kids were the ones that had only a handful of friends, but
these were real true friends that can be counted on. I believe
that people are better off alone than to have phony friends. I
have very few friends, but they are the best friends in the
world and even though I only talk to them a couple of times
a year since they are now cross country, we feel like no time
has passed between those calls.
Don't push having a relationship with a man at this point
in your life. You will need time to build up trust and faith
in the opposite sex, and then there is the possibility you
may never overcome those feelings. Look to yourself as the
trustworthy one. Deep inside there is a wonderful caring
woman and you need to learn to love that person. You can't
expect anyone else to truly love you if you don't love yourself.
Being dumb is not a problem I can see that you have, you
know you need help and facing up to these problems is
very courageous. I think that the dumb people are the ones
in denial that won't admit to themselves or anyone else that
there is a problem.
Hang in there,
Ms Independent
Tami Marple
A-Womans-Life.com
tamcole@nc.rr.com
************
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