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letter from "Tired of being lonely"
Dear Ms. Independent
I have been living a rough life for the past two years. My husband and I have
been separated almost three months this time. I love this man and hate him at
the same time. I never thought this was possible. But now I know it is.
You see he started drinking after eight and a half years of being sober. Well,
after a while he started using drugs then ended up cheating on me and when I
found out he started abusing me mentally and physically. I never thought this
man I had been with for almost fifteen years could do this to me. We had a
wonderful marriage. I miss this so much and sometimes don't feel I can bear it.
But then I see our two beautiful kids and I know they are worth it all. I am
raising my two kids on my own now.
I do really get lonely at times. There are other guys I could date but, I'm not
ready for anything like that now. My head tells me I am better off but, my heart
tells me I still love my husband. I have this lonely ache inside that hurts so
much. I just don't know what to do. I hope you can give me some advice.
Tired of being lonely
Condensed Answer to Tired of being
Lonely
Congratulations, you have made a bold life changing decision. Sounds as though
you have the strength to be strong for your children - the innocent victims of
such an unfortunately act.
Abusers need to be in control and maintain power in the relationship;
unfortunately, it is punishment for the entire family who are living in the
environment.
You must continue your life and let yourself heal. He may have compromised your
self esteem and self worth, but you have the power to take them back. You also
have the power to fight the loneliness you feel.
Battered women, verbally and physically, often feel the abuse is better than
being alone and lonely. The good part is loneliness will
fade with time and usually a lot quicker than the emotional damage that was done
by the abuser. Loneliness can be helped with
activities and friends, whereas the abuser could keep you in isolation - not
letting you be active, have friends, and limiting your outside involvement.
You may find you
need to go through the grief stages just as though you are going through a
divorce or have become a widow and then move on.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
A certain amount
of time is expected for grieving and it is different for each situation and
person.
I would recommend that you listen to your head for the time being. If you are
not ready to play the field yet, don’t. You should do what feels comfortable for
you. Doing what is best for you and your children is where you should stay
focused.
I feel a tremendous amount of strength and courage coming from your email and
would like to commend you for coming as far as you have.
Tami
************
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