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letter from "Tired of it"
Dear Ms Independent:
I have been married to my husband for 3 years now and love him dearly.
My problem is his relationship with his ex-wife. Since we were first
married she seems to be around all the time. She comes in our house and
waits for her (and my husband's) children to get ready to go with her.
She comes in to drop them off. I remember getting out of the shower only
to hear her voice in the house and she was here for 15-30 minutes. I
wasn't in any shape to be entertaining and I sure wasn't going to go out
and let her see me fresh out of the shower, if you know what I mean. She
calls my husband sometimes up to 5 times a day. Sometimes she calls and
yells and screams at him and he takes it. All this on behalf of the
children. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't it my right as his wife to
do any yelling at him? Not hers since they are divorced. How do I get
her out of our lives without disrupting the relationship she has with
her children and them not feeling I am a wicked stepmother any more than
they probably do already. Tired of it.
Condensed Answer to Tired of it:
It sounds like she is still attached and maybe your husband is as well.
Usually there would be an uncomfortable feeling between current wives
and exs. But in some cases it can be a friendship or a bitter rivalry.
Possibly she is only interest in her children's well being, in which
case she should trust your husband's judgment (unless he is a real
jerk). You didn't mention any atomicity between the two of them so I
must assume they get along. She may be curious to see her ex husbands
new environment. Regardless of what the reason is your husband should
respect your feeling and stand by you. He should be tactful and firm
with his ex when it comes to infringing on your ground. He should do so
without making you out to be an evil person. If he is in fact still
drawn to his ex you may want to reevaluate your marriage. Discuss your
concerns with him.
Ms Independent, Tami Marple
************
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