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Mini Article on
Independence from
"A-Womans-Life.com"
Independence by Tami
Marple
When this country began more than two hundred years ago, almost everyone
accepted the idea that a white woman's job was to take care of her home
and
family. Enslaved African-American women were expected to do hard labor
in
the fields or work in plantation homes as well as take care of their own
families. Married women could not own property, such as land and
buildings, or keep any money they might earn. In rare cases of divorce,
the father received custody of the children. Women could not sit on
juries, defend themselves in court, or run for political office. They
were considered
intellectually unfit to vote.
Of course, poor free women, many of them recent immigrants, usually had
to work outside the home. Even wealthy women often took care of their
husbands businesses when the men were away. In the 1800's, more and more
women came
to see that they were just as capable as men. Therefore, they believed
they deserved the same legal rights that men had. They realized that
being able to vote was a crucial first step to obtaining other rights.
And they knew that they themselves would have to lead the movement that
would win them suffrage-the right to vote. These women became the
suffragists. Discovery
"Just as capable as men" Don't you love it. I have even seen the
progress women have made in my time. I used to be in the audio/video
business, I was for 12 years and was very competent in my field. The
younger men would discuss business with me, but the older men with the
old school of thought didn't want anything to do with me, especially to
get product information.
My grandfather told me years ago that he would never go to a women for
help on a major purchase, that was the mentality he grew up with. Now on
the other hand my father comes to me all the time for advice on his A/V
equipment. His generation has come to appreciate and accept women much
more so than 20 years earlier.
There are several ways to conquer dependency and become a vibrant,
independent woman. Here are just a few:
Vote-We have the right to do so, so do it.
Buy a vehicle-I will never forget my last automobile purchase. I
was alone with my then 6 year old daughter standing in the middle of the
showroom floor. I was ready to buy. None of the salesmen stopped to help
me. There were guys hanging out by the water cooler, but not a one of
them approached me. A couple of them had to walk around me to get to the
water cooler. Then finally a young man stopped and asked if I needed
help. I was what you call
a lay down sale. I knew exactly what I wanted and how much I was willing
to
pay. And I got it. He made a sale in record time with me. I wonder if
the guys that were hanging around the water cooler help women now?
Learn to say no-During the course of your life you will have many
requests thrown at you. But no one person can do it all. Resources and
delegating are the smartest way to make the most use of your time. Don't
think of it as passing the buck, instead you are thinking and working
smart. But sometimes saying no to someone can be quite scary. You may
worry about losing the relationship or a host of other things. It is
very important to remember if you are tactful in saying no to someone
and offer an alternate solution, they won't be offended (unless they are
a real jerk.) A true friend will still be there for you. You may even
find some people respect you more.
Move out-Learn to survive without your family. Being independent
does not mean to ignore or reject your family, but to live your own life
as you see fit. It is time to set your own boundaries, morals and rules
to live by. You probably have many of these embedded in you from your
childhood, but it is OK to develop new ones too. If there are things you
especially like about family members try to emphasize that quality in
yourself. It may take some work to not follow in family member footsteps
the things we do not like and do not want to see become a part of
ourselves.
Do not let yourself be a victim-Learn self-defense. Walk with
confidence. Stand tall. Say "No". There are several ways not to be a
victim, both mentally and physically. Abuse is abuse and no one man or
woman, young or old should ever have to suffer from the abuse of
another. If you ever find
yourself making excused for someone, you may be a victim. Do not stay in
an abusive relationship-Learn the signals of abuse. Learn to respect
yourself.
Learn to take constructive (not destructive) criticism-use it to
your
advantage instead of letting it eat you up inside. Learn from your past
experiences, successes and failures, do not dwell on them. This is how
you learn the best, trial and error. Do not ever let another person take
your self esteem and confidence away from you. These are yours and no
one else
should have access to them. Guard them so no one squashes them like a
bug.
Take classes-Better yourself through education. Knowledge is
another thing
that no one can take from you. It empowers you. Don't forget about the
common sense class of life, something you are not taught in any school.
Go out to eat by yourself-but do not take a book. If you have
tackled this feat than you know how rewarding it can be. If you have not
done this before and are apprehensive, take a friend you trust, but sit
at separate tables so you are eating alone, but have the comfort of
knowing you are not alone. People are more apt to stop and talk to
someone who is by herself than
someone who is with others. |
