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Article on Loneliness from
"A-Woman's-Life"
"Loneliness and You" by Tami Marple
It seems that life in all its joyous wonder has
a solution for everything these days.
We have cellular phones to keep in constant contact with our offices, friends
and families.
We have microwaves in our kitchens so we never have to drink a cup of cold
coffee.
We have TiVo on our TVs so we can take a potty break during our favorite
television show and not miss anything.
We can clap our hands to make certain things turn on and off so we don't have to
get up out of our seat.
We have cable TV, which supplies us with an endless stream of entertainment.
We have pills to pop for just about any ailment
But what about loneliness?
Are they ever going to come out with a cure or a solution? A sure fire answer
and not just a computer game where you can play against the computer.
Instead learning to deal with loneliness is an art and may be one of the biggest
challenges any of us faces in life.
-Face it. Don't be afraid to acknowledge what you are feeling. The fact
is that you can't do anything to alleviate the problem until you have first
recognized what it is that's troubling you. Loneliness is something to which
none of us likes to admit either to ourselves or to others. We feel it implies
that we are somehow lacking. In truth, it is very difficult to express the
feelings of worthlessness and failure that can accompany loneliness. We do not
want others to know how we feel for fear that they will take advantage of our
weakness. It is easier to construct a protective, confident front. In spite of
denials, however, the feelings of failure will persist, emphasizing the need for
us to learn to come to terms with the loneliness.
-Accept it. Unfortunately, there is no way out of loneliness but through
it. To go around it means to risk being overtaken by it later on. It seems like
a much better idea to meet it head-on, analyze it, understand it, wrestle with
it, and make it your ally. Acknowledging rather than denying it seems to make it
much easier to deal with. Rather than regard it as a shameful emotion, realize
that loneliness is a human emotion. If you can just bring yourself to say, 'I am
lonely,' you will have taken a big first step towards winning your own personal
battle with loneliness. Know that there are times and situations in everyone's
life which produce feelings of loneliness, whether others are willing to admit
to this or not. A certain amount of loneliness in one's life is to be expected.
Don't try to escape it by running away from it; such an approach will only make
it worse later on. Don't wallow in it or panic at the feeling which it creates.
Take time to examine its effects on you and make some decisions as to what you
can do about it.
-Manage it. Much of the distress and fear of loneliness will be
diminished when you can identify what causes the problem and then attempt to
modify the conditions which produce your lonely feelings. Whenever I feel lonely
for companionship, for example, I find that inviting a friend to dinner or
suggesting that we dine out will brighten my spirits immediately.
- Be a self starter. Push toward what you know to be positive activity.
Forcing activity is an excellent cure for loneliness and the depression that can
come with it.
- Avoid boredom. Boredom is a major component of loneliness and
depression. Routine boredom can by cured by seeking out new experiences.
- Make a list of the things you like to do. This is a good way to remind
yourself that there are things that make you feel good.
- Force yourself to be with people part of the time. Too much time alone
isn't good for anyone. Human companionship breaks monotony, creates balance and
makes time spent alone easier to enjoy. Make it a point to establish regular
contact with the outside world.
- Reinforce your feeling of competence. Don't sit around and assume that
you are helpless. Take part in hobbies, read interesting books, go to gyms or
athletic clubs. Do anything that will help your self esteem.
- Learn to pamper yourself. We are generous in rewarding everyone except
the one person who is most important to each of us, ourselves. It can be an
effective way of altering loneliness and depression. Don't be stopped by the
feeling that it somehow isn't right. Give yourself a present, something you
really want but have hesitated to buy for yourself.
- Talk it out with a friend. Sometimes a talk with a good friend can mean
the difference between regression and progression within a lonely state. Don't
be afraid to confide. Suffering from loneliness is not a sign of weakness; it's
a part of being human.
- Do something to help someone else. Putting yourself in the service of
others helps you to get outside yourself and takes your mind off your problems.
Volunteers are needed for a number of charitable organizations. Not only will
you be performing good services for others but you will be getting yourself out
of the house and your mind off yourself.
- Engage in some kind of physical activity. The value of physical
activity for reversing depression is well known. Exercise fills the senses with
pleasure, which in turn sends positive messages to the brain.
- Plan for a change of scene. Getting away from your immediate
surroundings can work wonders as a mood elevator. A change of environment,
though brief, can relax you and help to reorient your thinking.
- Don't do anything that will make you feel worse. For example, drinking
alone is not a good idea for a lonely depressed person; listening to sad music
or watching a sad movie will only compound a lonely mood.
- Seek help in the form of professional counseling. Talk out your
problems with people who can help rather than bottling up your frustrations.
You may find that learning to combat loneliness effectively may contribute more
to your personal growth than anything else in your life.
It's okay to feel lonely, but it's not okay to keep feeling lonely all the time.
It's time to move up and move on! | |
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